The Septic Tank

Friday, September 08, 2006

Is Gigantism back?

Four employees at a local software company have been diagnosed with Gigantism. Is this a coincidence, I think not!

These employees have been working for a company that specializes in cancer fighting equipment that helps shrink tumors by the use of radiation. There is suspect that testing has been done on employees as a cost cutting measure. There is no concrete evidence yet but their families are worried that their loved ones are being used as guinea pigs. All of the employee’s in question have had significant changes to their appearance. Three of the four have experienced traditional forms of Gigantism and one employee named Kurt has had an age reversing affect along with Gigantism.

“I kind of like it, I’m hoping my weeds sprout this time around” - Kurt

Employees prior to being exposed to the suspected radiation:



After years of working for this company:



Health Canada and Manitoba Health are investigating these claims.

The company’s CEO denies any such claims. The CEO would not answer any of our calls but we did receive a response from their public spokes person.

“These software engineers have done this to them selves; rumor has it they frequently use the microwave to heat up their lunches. Microwaves use radiation too.”

The employee’s are in good spirits and still work for this company. “It’s not so bad, I’ve always had a big head”, replies Mr. Houtkooper.

The Scent of a Man


A local hero to some, a local jackass to others. Either way this guy made his dream come true.

While the Dixie Chicks were in town a local man decided to throw his soiled underwear on stage at the Dixie Chicks performance on Saturday August 19, 2006. Not only did the Chicks dig it, they gave them a whiff and invited the fellow to join them on stage for their Sunday show.

“There was something unique to smell of his underwear, it really turned me on. It kind of smelt like roses with a hint of bum juice” – Natalie Maines