Local man decides against Jihad on Winnipeg; A split from Canada is inevitable

A local man fed up with The City of Winnipeg decides to leave quietly instead of declaring a Jihad against the small municipality located in Manitoba, Canada. Mr. Brian Zudban has bought a piece of property in The Rural Municipality of St. Andrews (located 10KM north of Winnipeg) and is pursuing a life time dream of forming his own country. Mr. Zudban says, “Britamswyszan will be a peaceful sovereign nation under the dictatorship of one, me! I don’t need Mr. Harper to tell me what to do”.

Mr. Zudban claims that taxes in The City of Winnipeg are ridiculous for the services you receive. As an objective reporter I would have to agree, we pay more than double the property tax in Winnipeg, Manitoba than other similar sized cities in Canada (Maritimes don’t count… they never do).


At one point Zudban declared a Jihad on Winnipeg but could not get the necessary support from the predominantly Catholic residents. Father Stephen-Chris Marustowski supports Mr. Zudban’s cause but cannot authorize the use of violence without the Vatican’s approval, which probably would not be granted. Jihad’s are not easily obtained from the Vatican, the only thing harder to get the Vatican’s approval for is an exorcism. However Father Marustowski is very excited about opening a church/mission in the newly formed nation. “The more countries that we can convert the better!”



The Aboriginal community in Manitoba is outraged and is hoping for government intervention to prevent such a separation from Canada. Mr. Johnny Mongoose states, “dat der land is our land”. The assembly of Manitoba Chiefs will be looking closely at the outcome of this case.

Britamswyszan will be a unique nation. Multiple wives and gay unions will be allowed and there will be no interference from the local government. Life partners Scott Mill & Stephen Haruschak are very excited about this new country, Mill states, “I’d love to live in a country where my sexual preference is not decided by a government, our union will now be recognized.”.



Mr. Bob Zoutkooper is also excited, “me and my two wives can now live in peace”. Behavior as seen in the picture will be socially accepted in Britamswyszan.


Zudban is hoping for a peaceful separation but the use of force is not yet being ruled out.




The Septic Tank will be keeping a close eye on this issue and will provide an update when there is more information available.