American Idol/President?

After five years of continued success and record number of viewers and voters the United States of America has decided to follow the same format as American Idol for the next presidential election.

Voter turnout in America is at its all time low. In the 2004 presidential election only 35% of eligible voters casted a vote, this is much lower than all other developed democratic countries. American Idol fans cast over 30,000,000 votes each week to vote for their favorite American Idol. President George W. Bush believes that using a reality TV show format will not only increase the popularity of voting but will also be entertaining.



President Bush states, “my party is hip with the young generation… rock on”.

As in American Idol each potential American President contestant will have to sing, be fashion conscious, mostly caucasian, and appeal to the young American voters.

American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe has agreed to produce the American President reality show. Lythgoe says, “this will be a great way for those who are less fortunate and do not have the social status they need in America to get into politics under the current system”.

Ryan Seacrest (American Idol show host) agrees with Lythgoe. “Not only will we have arenas filled with potential American Presidents but we will be able to make a bunch of unknown citizens famous”.

Unlike American Idol the top 10 American President hopefuls will all have jobs at the end of the show. Only one can be Commander and Chief but the nine remaining can fill vacant White House positions that are usually appointed by the President.



The public response to this new format has been nothing less than exceptional. Mr. Hank Duncan from rural North Dakota believes that all his sons have the potential to be President of the United States. Duncan states, “my boys are smart and good lookers too, you should hear little Frank sing the gospel”.

Producer Nigel Lythgoe has a few people in mind to judge the new American President. Names such as Conan O’Brian, Rob Schneider, Rev. Jessie Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Flavor Flav have been mentioned many times since the inception of the idea.



Flavor Flav says, “Bam! Dis show goin’ be awyite”.

With the continued success of American Idol this is a viable option for the presidency of America. Not only will you be tapping into the largest TV audience but the election will be available to be viewed internationally.

Verizon Wireless is also to gain from the new show. As with American Idol, Verizon Wireless has agreed to handle text messaging for the new voting format.

And remember… “If you don’t vote, your favorite contestant will be sent home. Seacrest out.” Ryan Seacrest

Fabutan heats up in Africa

In the past Fabutan Suntan Studios has had to deal with a steady decline in business due the way North American society has viewed tanning. However because of the sun’s increase in harmful UV rays and rising skin cancer rates consumers are now seeking a safer way to have the beauty of the sun shining from their skin. Fabutan and other tanning salons have reported record profits in the last two years and with the market expansion over seas sales are expected to rise at a rapid rate.



The first Fabutan in Africa opened in Abuja,Nigeria last year and business is heating up. Local resident Habib Getachew says, “This is much better than sitting in the hot sun, not only do I not have to worry about cobras but I no longer have a loin cloth tan line. It’s liberating to be able to take off my loin cloth and soak up the sun.”

Other residents have also had positive experiences with the opening of Fabutan. Uchenna Nwakile claims that her sunglass hut/milk distribution center has been selling out of merchandise weekly since the opening of Fabutan. Nwakile say’s, “Fabutan good, USA number 1”.

Mr. John Smith owner of the African Fabutan says, “We anticipated success but not at the rate we are seeing”.

Mr. Smith says if all goes well most African countries will be standing in line for an eight minute tanning experience before the Christmas retail push.


Local resident Agantha Kunta-Aheenthya is glad that a Fabutan has opened up in her village. “After a long day of carrying water on my head nothing is more relaxing than catching a few rays. It makes me feel like a woman.”